Sorry guys that this article is so long but, we hope it gets you to thinking. Start with a question that you need to be asking yourself, "are you sure?". Namely, you're about to cross a line, cross over a sacred vow you made to your spouse and you need to walk into it with your eyes wide open (i.e., walk into it with your mind and NOT your dick). We aren't being prudes. One of us crossed the line then "went back" building a wall behind him and vowing to never cross again. Two others have crossed the line and have built bridges which go back and forth from their "bi" lives to their "normal family" lives. This article is being written by a man who is in a current relationship with another married man. This article won't go into guilt trips, nor is it recommending that merely because I am "fooling around" that you should be too. Rather, if you are ready, and you'll know when you are, here are some standards steps to follow to protect yourself and find "Mr. Right". This article is also written from the viewpoint of finding a Long Term Relationship. My partner is more of an expert in short, safe, "quickies" and I'll endeavor to get him to write about his methods in the future.

There are two main safe methods of meeting someone; all due to the invention of the computer. You already, I'm sure, know about them; the chat rooms and personal ads. Either one will land you a quick thrill; only you can determine if you are going to put forth a little more effort to find another married bi just like you. After making contact, you need to learn what's in his head first, via e-mails, before meeting.

Putting out a personals ad

As hokey as this sounds; it works. We are trying to build this kind of a service here on this site but it'll take a little while to grow yet. Do us a favor, put your ad here and also go to the "other" site, YAHOO. Yes, YAHOO personals have an incredible array of married men looking for men. I won't link to them from this site (they consider this an adult site and lump it with all the other porn sites; can you believe it?) but if you don't already know, it's www.yahoo.com. Look for, "personals" and go from there. You can even search on a keyword such as "married" or "bi"; you'll be amazed at the number of ads which pop up. You'll need to create a YAHOO account if you don't have one but they are free. I'd suggest using our e-mail service for communication if you ever get to that stage. There are many other sites which offer "personals" but YAHOO reigns supreme and we strongly suggest it. When you put out your ad, be honest. Yes, skip the 9" cut cock, muscled super stud crap. You are a "bi-married male, age X, height, weight, married, and looking for same in a long term relationship who is NOT wanting to leave their wife and who IS wanting a stable, long term buddy. Gays and non-marrieds need not apply. Must be willing to get tested but it will be worth it….." and whatever else you can add that makes you unique. The more honesty you pour into your ad, the more honest replies you'll get. Unfortunately, you'll also be surprised at the replies you get. Many are men who are NOT interested in long term relationships. Many are gay, gay, gay. They are interested in married men with the thought that married men are at less risk for STDs. You'll get leather pigs replying, kids, and kooks. It's almost like going to a garage sale; you'll need to sift through the old socks and dirty underwear to get to that autographed baseball. Same here. The usual applies: never give your real name, nor your real address, and I don't advocate sending pictures. We took a poll here. If the guy you're trying to meet up with keeps demanding pics, fuck him (no, we mean drop him). Pictures lie infinitely more often than a man's words; trust me, I've been there. Maybe I'm just too honest and kept mailing my real picture and kept getting "fakes" from everyone else, I don't know. I do know this. The man of my dreams that I am currently with, I met WITHOUT any pics. I knew his mind inside/out from our e-mail correspondence and didn't give a damn what he looked like as long as he was honest enough to describe what he really looked like and matched that description. That's the key here, be honest. Nothing kills a relationship like meeting up with a man who doesn't match his own description; if he lied about that, what else is he lying about?

I'll digress into another point here. If you're going to get hung up on looks, then you're going to wait an awfully long time, probably passing up many good true men for a "good looker" who has zero loyalty. I've got nothing against looking good; men should take care of themselves. But face it, most married bi men are NOT going to look like those thousands of muscled stud porn pictures that we see every day. You probably aren't as good looking as your wife tells you either. Set your goals for what's inside his head, not what's outside, and you'll do much better over the long term and enjoy yourself much more. I'm thankful, for example, that my partner isn't hung up on looks or I probably wouldn't be enjoying his companionship now. [webmaster editorial; we agree ]

Going to the chat room

I met one of my men via Yahoo ad, the other in a "married" chat room. Chat rooms are fun but it's hard to find men NOT interested in one-night stands. No, I'm not insulting men here. There are some good married men in chat rooms but it gets a little tiring to see all the "hot fuck stud 9 inch cut cock needs piss master". I'm not going to lie. My partner and I both visit the chat rooms because they can be fun; almost like visiting a porn video shop. But, they are fleeting and it's hard to establish a relationship there. Everyone there is always wanting a "pic". If you've got a few minutes of free time, visit a room. They can be quite a laugh. Take some time to count up how many men are longer than 8". Jump in on a conversation. Regard it all for what it is; light, anonymous fun!

We've set up a myriad of chat rooms for you. Find your region and log right in. Same rules as personals ad applies; be honest in age, ht, wt, married and looking for same for long term relationship. Always ask before going "private" on line. When you go private, feel him out (through the keyboard that is). My current partner totally seduced my mind via chat and I knew he was the one. He told me about his family, church, desires, etc. I learned an incredible amount from him. TAKE NOTES!!! Why? Because you are going to test the bastard at the earliest opportunity. Set up another time to chat. If he's in a hurry, drop him. Think of this like buying a car. If the guy starts pulling a "I need to meet you now or forget it" BS, then, well, forget it; he's not worth your time. Remember, you're looking for a safe long term relationship. Always ask the following, "are you a cop, or involved in law enforcement or in any type of investigation or activity whose effects would expose me or harm me in any way?"

Set up another time to chat or, share e-mail addresses (use our e-mail if you wish; it's secure). Why? Because you are going to subtly test him. If he said he had 2 sons, ask him how is daughter is doing. Ask him to specifically describe himself (physical features, what does he weigh, etc.). Grab your notes and subtly ask a whole series of questions. If he's on the level, he will only miss a few questions. Why is he missing any? He's probably nervous like you and might have fudged his weight, etc. If he misses the family questions, then that would have me a little nervous.

When you think you found a few candidates, now begins the e-mail "courtship" phase. Yes, you are reading that correctly. You need to court him and he needs to court you. Time for long, revealing e-mails. Establish a friend and you'll greatly increase your chances of finding your long term buddy. E-mailing back and forth also helps you work up the nerve to take that next step; meeting him.

Time to meet. Take this step slowly. It can go to this stage as quick as one week to as slow as one year. Your choice of location as long as it's public; Parking lot, coffee house, Burger King. NEVER MEET in a park or restroom. You are NOT meeting for sex (yes, sometimes we do get weak here but try NOT to have sex at this stage). Describe your cars only and arrive there at least 15 minutes early. Show up Damnit! There is nothing lower on this planet than an asshole who makes a date and then stands you up. An emergency is fine but come one, schedule a time when you can make it. If you are stood up and he doesn't have a reasonable excuse, then its your decision at this point whether to drop him or not. He might just be super shy but you'll have to determine what happened. Otherwise, shake hands, go in for a beer, drinks, etc., and talk. No real names yet.

If you like what you are hearing, listen to your gut. Is he on the level or not? If you both agree that you would like to take this to the next step, then it's time to share names and car insurance cards. Yes, car insurance cards. Most insurance cards have both the wife and husband's name printed on them. I learned this trick from a friend of mine. Most states require, by law, that you have them with you. If he's unwilling to show it, if you're showing yours, then that would make me a little nervous. I mean, you're meeting to eventually have sex and long term sex means sharing commitment and ensuring that he's as interested in protecting your wife from STDs as you are his.

If you've gone this far, then go back to e-mailing/chatting. Call this the cooling off period. I would suggest it strongly (unless of course you found the man of your dreams like I finally did then it was all we could do to find a hotel room; probably dumb of me if he had been a "bad" man and lying through his teeth but I thank God he wasn't).

Now comes the issue of, you've decided to have sex, do you get tested for STDs first? I strongly suggest, "yes"; get tested at least for AIDs. Otherwise, for heaven's sake, use condoms, j/o, body rubbing, etc. Just stay safe. If you're really in it for the long term get tested.

By now, you should have exchanged phone numbers and set up a code phrase like, "want to go out to the Sports Bar?" which of course means, "I can't wait to fuck your ass tonight". This makes it much easier for you to talk on the phone or send e-mail (read e-mailing article on this web site).

Where to go? Sorry, unless your wife works out of the home at just the right time, stick with the cheap motels. No, I don't like them anymore than you. Don't go for the rent by the hour places; just one notch up. Trade off registering and share the cost of the room. You can figure it out from here and certainly do NOT need our help. Don't be an idiot and meet in a park or public restroom; the cops are always looking for married men just like you who are to stupid to get a motel room.